The responsibility of reaching out

Holly and Kelly: Earlier this week Kelly confided that she had been feeling a little down and lonely lately. Changes in routine, daily lives, that sort of thing have caused some disarrayed emotions. I (Holly) suggested that perhaps she reach out. And then she made a point, and it stopped us dead in our tracks:

"Why do I have to be the one to reach out?"

Again...good point. It's not exactly a surprise that life has handed us a little bit of a curveball lately. But then she made a comparison...to bullying. Have you ever noticed that when someone becomes a victim of bullying, he/she gets advice such as, "Oh, just ignore it." "Stand up for yourself." "Don't let it get to you." Why is it hardly ever taken back to the one inflicting the bullying in the first place? Yeah, sure, the bully will get dragged to the principal's office...But, at least in our experience, it's never the bully's responsibility to quit bullying. It's the victim's responsibility to quit behaving, or simply existing, in a manner that warrants bullying in the first place.

Do you get what we're saying?

Kelly then spun the example to people who suffer from depression: Part of the recovery process is that they're encouraged to check in with a trusted friend or accountability partner on a regular basis. While I appreciate the notion of staying in touch and maintaining open lines of communication, especially with someone who's just gotten out of an unsafe or traumatic situation, it seems a little backwards to me: Shouldn't the person suffering from depression be checked on as regularly as they're checking in? And perhaps they are. But do you get what we're saying?

We're certainly not trying to guilt-trip anyone or make anyone feel bad. Please believe us! Life is busy and crazy, and we're certainly grateful that we have amazing people in our lives who don't hold that against us. But it's certainly not an excuse. So how about a challenge? The next time you hear of a friend or loved one in your life going through a hard time, or a rough patch, don't wait to hear about it on Facebook, don't wait for them to reach out to you. Make the first move. And be consistent! (That's what we struggle with the most!)

Sometimes getting better is about being better.