We need each other

H and K: In case you haven't heard, seen, or read lately, the world is going a little bit crazy. Ok...it's straight up lost its mind. We're all holding our breath until November, wondering what dubious schemes or outlandish comments our incumbent presidential candidates will throw out next. We grieve with complete strangers as yet another story breaks the news of a shooting. We think of our Christian brothers and sisters in the Middle East and their constant living in terror and fear of persecution.

The worlds within our own four walls seem to be going crazy too. We pray for our friends who are dealing with death, loss, sickness, hopelessness, uncertainty, We pray for our own family as we deal with aging grandparents and the roller coaster rides that come with that. We pray for each other as we walk through this (hopefully soon ending) season of waiting and anticipation. We recently passed another anniversary of the loss of a dear friend.

Life just seems to be hard right now. We're willing to bet that some of you wonder if God is even really there, if He's even listening at all.

He is.

And for us, He's lightened the heaviness in our hearts by providing us peace when we wouldn't normally have had it. But more than that, He has put some amazingly supportive and kind friends into our lives, many just this year. When we moved to Richmond almost a year ago (whaaat??), for a time we both struggled with loneliness; even though Richmond is only 15 minutes away from Berea, we didn't have any friends close by anymore, and that was hard. It was just within a few months of moving that we re-reconnected (we never really lost touch but life had us all in different directions for a while) with some friends of ours, and now they and their three "kids" have warmed their way back into our hearts and lives again. Some of our fondest memories of 2016 have involved them and we are just so, so thankful, for that and for the future. The story is kind of serendipitous, in a way...it's how Holly met Justin. :)  And then we've made a new friend who lives in Richmond (yay!!!), she's so bubbly and fun-spirited and full of life and Jesus and we just love spending time with her.

And there are others...so, so many others, who have sent us cards for no reason, who have sent us texts just to say they were thinking of us, who have stopped by the house with little "just because" gifts, who have embraced us with so many hugs, prayers, lunch dates, and kind words that sometimes we believe it's so much more than what we deserve.

For me (Holly), I believe that God sometimes manifests Himself through the people He has put in our lives. Think about it: The closeness we feel when we are with those we love. That one word, affirmation, or piece of advice/wisdom from a friend, right when you need it. When your friend or loved one finally reveals that their long-time struggle is over, and you can directly remember praying over that same struggle. Just think about it.

The truth is that we need each other. Plain and simple. The way we interact with those around us...well, it sets an example. It shines the light of Jesus into a world that seems to be plunging deeper into darkness. Being kind or loving those in our lives certainly isn't going to change the world or stop all the violence and nonsense taking place. But it will help make our corner of the world a little brighter. Worry less. Complain less. Compare less. Pray more. Thank more. Practice gratitude more. Encourage more. Love more. Our spirits have been lifted by the company we keep. What can you do to uplift those in your life, even if everything seems to be going fine for them? How can you encourage someone this week?

Dear children, let us not love with words or speech but with actions and in truth. -1 John 3:18

The responsibility of reaching out

Holly and Kelly: Earlier this week Kelly confided that she had been feeling a little down and lonely lately. Changes in routine, daily lives, that sort of thing have caused some disarrayed emotions. I (Holly) suggested that perhaps she reach out. And then she made a point, and it stopped us dead in our tracks:

"Why do I have to be the one to reach out?"

Again...good point. It's not exactly a surprise that life has handed us a little bit of a curveball lately. But then she made a comparison...to bullying. Have you ever noticed that when someone becomes a victim of bullying, he/she gets advice such as, "Oh, just ignore it." "Stand up for yourself." "Don't let it get to you." Why is it hardly ever taken back to the one inflicting the bullying in the first place? Yeah, sure, the bully will get dragged to the principal's office...But, at least in our experience, it's never the bully's responsibility to quit bullying. It's the victim's responsibility to quit behaving, or simply existing, in a manner that warrants bullying in the first place.

Do you get what we're saying?

Kelly then spun the example to people who suffer from depression: Part of the recovery process is that they're encouraged to check in with a trusted friend or accountability partner on a regular basis. While I appreciate the notion of staying in touch and maintaining open lines of communication, especially with someone who's just gotten out of an unsafe or traumatic situation, it seems a little backwards to me: Shouldn't the person suffering from depression be checked on as regularly as they're checking in? And perhaps they are. But do you get what we're saying?

We're certainly not trying to guilt-trip anyone or make anyone feel bad. Please believe us! Life is busy and crazy, and we're certainly grateful that we have amazing people in our lives who don't hold that against us. But it's certainly not an excuse. So how about a challenge? The next time you hear of a friend or loved one in your life going through a hard time, or a rough patch, don't wait to hear about it on Facebook, don't wait for them to reach out to you. Make the first move. And be consistent! (That's what we struggle with the most!)

Sometimes getting better is about being better.

For God, in God's place with God's people: A night of worship with Rend Collective and Chris Tomlin

Kelly: Sunday night Holly and I trekked an hour and a half to Newport to partake in a concert night that will be hard to top. I had been awake since 6 that morning and didn't go to bed until almost midnight; I was at work all day prior to the concert, and the latter part of the day was not one of the greatest. I was on edge, with the weight of not only patient safety but staff safety as well as a patient became belligerent, hostile and very threatening. I was very concerned for the safety of the entire unit, and it was very emotionally draining; constantly being on pins and needles and tip toeing around controversial questions, such as what to do and how do we keep everyone safe. I spent half of my required off the clock break in the supervisor's office tackling a game plan. In the end all was well, but some of us were a little more relieved to clock out at the end of that day. And each time I kept trying to leave, I kept getting interrupted, which only added to my frustration, since I was trying to leave at a timely manner to go to the concert. On the way home, I just prayed that even though my thoughts and attitudes had not reflected one of a follower of Jesus, I just prayed that God would tune my heart and mind into one that was wide open and ready for a night of worship.

If someone ever tells you that God answers prayer, believe them. He really does.

For the entire 2 hour concert, most of it didn't even feel like a concert. It felt like being in church. One of the things Chris Tomlin said really just resonated with me for the rest of the night: how great was it to sing about God, in God's house in the presence of God's people? There was so much love, passion and energy in that stadium last night. There's nothing like truly getting lost in the presence of God; where minutes pass by and you don't even realize it because you are just so encapsulated by Him. I had several of those moments there, and I have to be honest, that's something that hasn't happened in a long time. Suddenly, the fears and troubles of the day were just lifted away, and I didn't think about them for the rest of the night. I really listened to the words of those songs that I have known for years, and I felt them, believed them, and felt them. I don't know what's going on in your all's life; I know some things. But I would encourage each and every one of you to take a moment for yourself to just be in God's presence. If that means locking every door and getting into some Scripture, or rolling down every window in your car and singing P&W music at the top of your lungs, or if it just means sitting quietly with nothing around you for a few minutes every morning. It's something I'm going to try and be a bit more intentional about. I'm looking forward to seeing what happens.

Holly: Never mind the fact that we had a three hour round trip and that I had to be at work at 8am on a Monday morning, there was ABSOLUTELY no stopping us in going to this concert. We sort of went on a whim, but if you're a fan of Chris Tomlin and his music, you know that it's going to be an awesome, God-honoring show.  And it was.  It really was.

I have to echo Kelly's comment: it was church, church with 10,000 of my brothers and sisters in Christ, and it was awesome, you guys.  Just awesome. The last time we saw Chris Tomlin was ICHTHUS back in 2006, if my memory serves me correctly, so it'd been a while. Man, he knows how to rock out for God's glory- high energy, passionate, so full of the Spirit that it was contagious! He played all of my favorites, and it was so powerful to hear every single person in the audience sing along too.  Rend Collective was a perfect opening band! They are such a blast! I'm also obsessed with one of the songs they performed, and I think it's threatening to drive Kelly crazy :)

One of the reasons I love Christian concerts is not only the fact that they don't feel like concerts, but you leave feeling so much more encouraged and rejuvenated than before you came. I don't want to say I've been in a  "rut" lately spiritually, but I do feel my quiet time is not necessarily quiet because it's sometimes hard for me to shut my mind off.  I really needed that concert, because I was able to just let go and freely worship, my mind attuned entirely to Him! It reminded me that I can get there, and that I will get there.  I'm working on it, and in the meantime I'm thankful that God doesn't just leave us to our best guesses. I'm thankful that God speaks to us in many ways...for me, especially through music!

Making the grade

Kelly: I remember growing up as a kid in elementary school and my parents having multiple conversations with various teachers. I was too young to remember these conversations, but some of them included the loosely translated "she's not going to do well in college" speech because my grades were "below average" and I had a difficult time learning. It was suggested I had a learning disability and from elementary school up through college I severely struggled with taking tests. But my parents never enrolled me to have an IEP (individualized education plan) because they didn't want me to have that label of being "different." Now PLEASE do not misunderstand me; when I look back on it now I think perhaps an IEP or a related degree would have been very beneficial for me. But my parents always told me to do my best in school, and that grades were just letters but that didn't mean I could just slack off. The value of a good and hearty education was important to them, and so was the simple fact of just trying.

College was especially difficult for me at times, because in my field of study I HAD to make certain grades in my classes in order to continue into the program. In one of my generals, I was a few points under the 77% benchmark, thus I had to repeat the course. I often found myself envious of some of my classmates who just seemed to naturally excel; those who barely opened the book yet walked away from each test passing with flying colors. I on the other hand,  slaved myself at times to studying and studying. I did not have to work as hard in high school as I did in college, so this was new to me. Making straight A's and "learning how to study" is NOT something you learn in high school in my opinion; it's something you learn, over time, on your own. You learn what works for you and what doesn't. Ok, I sort of veered off course with that, so let me get back on track. I kept in mind what my parents told me; do your best and regardless, they continued to let me know how proud they were of me. Now I understand some people I know have high expectations for themselves. But just bear in mind, it is an opportunity many do not get that we have by going to college. And I am all for making the most of it, but do your best. Sometimes when you do your best and you don't feel like it was or the grade you got doesn't reflect "your best," then....well, I'm sorry about that. I really am. I'm not being brash or insensitive. You fell off the horse; dust yourself off and realize that you did do your best. Don't blame someone else, because trust me. I've tried that. I've pulled the "well they're just unfair" or "they're grading methods are unfair." It doesn't work.

I apologize in advance if I make someone angry or whatnot, but I feel that this blog is a safe place where I can freely express my opinions. It is not my intention to step on anyone's toes, and I am not saying that anyone who expects themselves to get straight A's and nothing else are stuck up and over achievers. Not even close. I honestly sometimes wish I had that motivation for myself. But just remember; in the end, all it comes down to is just....letters.

Holly: This has been on my mind for a while now, and it's come in light of finals wrapping up for students this week, both at Berea and UK (where I work).  I'm being completely upfront now; I surprised myself at some of my feelings yesterday.  There is some bitterness, there is some jealousy, and I know it's petty and I know it shouldn't be there.  But I'm going to be full disclosure.  I've accepted it and I'm going to move on from it, and I'm just going to be frank and get this all out, so I apologize if it is lengthy:

A lot of my facebook friends have been posting their final grades.  Most of you have gotten A's and B's.  Please let me be one of many to congratulate you.  College is tough.  Berea is a league of its own, if I do say so myself.  You all should definitely be proud of yourselves.  HOWEVER: I've also had many conversations with people about their grades.  I work at UK, for goodness sake.  The department has two student workers.  Many of my facebook friends are still Berea students.  You all GO. NUTS. over your grades.  I know so many who get disappointed in themselves and beat themselves to death if they don't make straight A's.  And for what?  A 4.0?  

Guys, I did not make A's and B's at Berea.  Not even close.  EVERY semester I was there I had a least one C.  It sucked.  It really did.  I busted my butt at Berea, and every time I saw that C it sucked.  It felt like I failed.  And to see all of you posting your straight A's and your A's and B's...well, yeah.  The jealousy comes out.  My LAST semester at Berea I was in my adviser's office in tears because I had a D in my Genetics class, and I NEEDED that class to graduate; I thought my life was over, right then and there! But I learned something REALLY quickly during my time at Berea: grades are just letters.  It's a letter.  Nothing more.  A 4.0 will not guarantee you a job after graduation.  A 4.0 will not guarantee you acceptance into your dream grad school (We have a friend who graduated with a 3.9 and MIT TURNED HER DOWN.  Massachusetts. Institute. of freaking. Technology.  Did I stutter?).  It will definitely help, I think, or at least I'd like to think it will.  A 4.0 will not guarantee you those things because after graduation, there are no guarantees.  There just aren't.  That's the world we live in, that's the economy we live in.  I don't mean to rain on everyone's parades, so let me say this: Please be proud of the grades you do get, whether they're straight A's, or alphabet soup, like mine were.  A lot of young people our age don't even get the opportunity to even go to college.  Can we not stress ourselves out over these letters? Do your best, in ALL areas, not just your academics.  Don't stress.  It's not worth it.  Enjoy your college experience.; it really does go by fast (I'll be 2 years post graduation next May...woah?).  I'm proud of my degree, even with the C's (and yes, the D) littered in my transcript, because I gained so much more than I could have imagined, and you can't put a numerical value on that. 

Relentless love

Holly: The following is my Facebook status from this morning: 

Thought of a couple things on this rainy Wednesday morning:

1. Last night at choir, there was mention of a young man in Rockcastle County who attempted suicide.  Praise God he is still with us, but he is 15, and while he is physically healing, the spiritual and emotional damage is probably so much more extensive than we can even begin to imagine.  Granted, my life was not perfect at 15 (although better than most, I must admit), but I can not imagine wanting to take my life at that age.  At 15, you're still a kid; there's still so much more out there.  As I was praying in the car this morning, I prayed that we would be aware, that we would reach out, that we would show love, RELENTLESSLY, to others, because we never know what we are going through.  Sometimes it's one encouraging word, a smile, a silent prayer, that keeps someone from going over the edge.

2. I love the concept of a subtle witness: There is a shuttle driver that drives UK employees from the stadium to campus, and right as he pulls up and opens the doors, he ALWAYS says "Have a good day, and may the Lord bless you."  EVERY time.  It never fails to bring a smile to my face.  

Doing my best to think of others and to be that subtle witness, today, and every day.  :)

The first part, the young man, has been heavily on my heart since yesterday.  The word that kept running in my mind was "relentless".  We ought to NEVER stop showing love and compassion for one another.  Guys, it's still hard for me.  I know the words above probably disagree with that, but it's true.  The more I think of this, the more I realize that life isn't about me.  I was not put here on this earth for me.  I was put on this earth to love God and to love people.  I have hope, and every day I do my best to live out that hope.  I fail, I know I do, and I accept that, and I accept God's amazing grace and I try again tomorrow.  But I've said this before and I'll say it again- I sincerely desire to impact someone's life just by me being in it.   

For the life of me I simply cannot imagine getting to a point in life where you think the only way out is taking your own life.  I just can't imagine the pain, the loneliness, the fear, the despair that one must feel.  Especially with these young people; it just destroys me.  Feeling like there's absolutely no one and nothing...you're so, so alone.  I think at some point, we hit the lowest of valleys, but I have been blessed with an amazing support system, and I know that there are those who love me and support me and pray for me (And God knows I need it!).  But some people do not have that.  That destroys me too.  We weren't meant to do this life thing alone.  We're stronger together than we are apart.  I think it's high time we show people the human side of humanity, instead of all this nastiness and bitterness everyone is so hell-bent on broadcasting.  

Even darkness must pass.

Kelly: Where I work, I would say the most common report I get from patients is "I feel hopeless", "I've hit rock bottom" or "If (insert situation) doesn't get better, it will kill me." They feel like there's no hope. Some of these patients I've encountered don't have any family, or even a place to call home and no one to call friend. Some have all of the above and still feel hopeless, and that's when they come to us. Sadness, hopelessness, loneliness and fear, it doesn't discriminate. I've dealt with 18-year-old suicidal people and older suicidal people. My reaction is always the same; I hurt. I told a co worker on Monday that at one point or another I'm sure everyone has gone through some sort of depression in their life. I have. I KNOW I have. But never, not even for half a second did I ever even consider taking my own life. 

But some people have. Some people succeed and some don't. I remember this song from high school and some of the words are "how do you get that lonely? How do you hurt that bad?" That's why I do what I do; just try to love especially when someone doesn't feel loved. And the love that I share comes from Christ alone. That hope, joy and peace I have comes from Him too. I often wonder if my words of encouragement to others falls on deaf ears, but I'd like to think that what I say is what someone needed to hear at just the right time. I left early for work yesterday and a patient asked me to unlock his door. I jokingly said "you just want me to stay don't you?" He didn't say anything for a while, but he said "yeah, I do." It's the little things. 

Friends, I don't know what you all are going through. I'm sure some of you are going through the most unimaginable circumstances. I sincerely hope and pray that your situations, whatever they may be, will resolve soon. But when someone tells you they are thinking/praying for you, I hope it encourages you and lifts you up, even if it's for just a little bit. A sliver of hope goes a long way. 

30 Days of Writing: Something you're proud of

Kelly: In light of recent events, today's topic is highly appropriate. There are a lot of things that I am proud of, but what I'm going to talk about today is simple; my college degree.

To obtain a college degree is an excellent achievement, of course. However, obtaining a Berea College degree in my opinion is much more...different, for lack of a better word. I was blessed to have worked with wonderful educators who helped me get this degree. Some I knew for quite a while, some I only had one semester. Yeah...about that. One of the most influential professors I had I had my second to last semester, for just one class (you know who you are...). Others I had for the majority of my time here and were just THERE. If I needed them, they were in their office; I didn't have to channel jump through a plethora of graduate students just to find them! That's why Berea is what it is! Thank you God and for everyone He put in my life to get me through! ^_^ 

Holly: I'm proud of two things, really: first, and obvious, is my degree from Berea.  I know, I know, that's what EVERYONE says.  But seriously, I don't think many people realize just how big of a deal it is graduating from college, much less Berea College.  I put a lot of work into it, I have a lot of fond memories attached to Berea, I've formed some lifelong relationships as a result of my education there, I've become a more educated and well-rounded individual and young woman, and my faith in God strengthened and was pushed and challenged as well (which, trust me, is NOT a bad thing). 

The second thing I'm proud of is that, for the most part, I have succeeded in living on my own and holding my own.  Yeah, there's been some scary moments, there's been some moments in which we weren't sure how we were going to pay next month's rent, there's been a lot of phone calls to Mom and Dad, there's been A LOT of penny-pinching (there still is), but when I look back I am proud of where we were and how far we've come.  I've also learned, in these days of apartment-dwelling and semi-tight budgeting to become dependent on God.  Completely dependent!!! He's brought us through and I know He will continue to do so! :)

Love in spite of loss

Holly and Kelly: Our hearts are heavy once again today.  We have just learned of the death of a Berea College student, a sophomore.  The details are not known but suicide is suspected.  We did not personally know this student, but, seeing as Berea is a small community, we are certain that there are those we do know that are feeling the ache and pain of losing a fellow student and friend.

This is why we emphasize on speaking words of love over hate.  Everyone is almost always fighting some sort of internalized battle.  We never know what one another is going through.  We ought to be reaching out to one another, smiling and laughing with those we are close to, and bridging the societal and economic gaps that threaten to tear us apart.  Kelly and I are doing our best to do just that.

We are praying for our beloved Berea College community today and ask that you would do the same.

What's your appleseed?

Kelly: There is a reason for the crazy title that will be explained in a little bit. Anyway, the topic for this blog today is regarding fear. What in the world are we so afraid of? I could rattle off a few things, such as snakes, falling off really high places, and stinging bugs. Yeah. But if there was something that REALLY got me bone-chilling afraid...it'd be this.

Pain. Never knowing again what not having pain feels like. Yes, I am talking about my ankle...again. Now before you automatically disregard this, please don't. I've been thinking about how to describe what I'm so afraid of for a while, but after today at church I finally understand. I am afraid that I will never be pain-free again. It's not a phobia, but yeah. It does scare me. I have felt on numerous occasions that I will be the way I am for the rest of my life. And I haven't accepted that yet...because I'm afraid to. See where all the fear is coming from? But today, I've thought of something different. Something in a way that I haven't heard before.

Hope.

There is. There always is. And God...my God...is so much bigger than your fears. Than my fears. Than all my pain and worry about never knowing no pain. And that gives me hope. That is what has fueled me in all the areas in my life; that hope that God is so much bigger than all my junk that He has erased and freed me from! It is not His will for us to live in fear; to live in bondage of this and that and then some. But...it's a choice. I am trusting Him, or at least learning to trust Him more. It hasn't been easy. Some days it's easy to trust God; some days, most days, it's really hard. But I make a choice. Daily. So now I ask this; what are you afraid of? What are you doing about it? Are you ok with living in fear or is today the day you're going to decide that you don't have to? That it's not your will to do so? Yes. I'm still in pain. But God is bigger than pain.

Holly: The title comes from the sermon today: our pastor mistaking a bed bug in his 2-year-old daughter's bedroom for a mere appleseed (the story is much more humorous than I'm letting on).  But what I'm getting at is this: why do we WORRY???????????? All. The. Time?          qwvgbsegbf (attack of the Yoda...sorry)

We get so bent out of shape with worry and fear that it distorts reality...we see things that simply are not there.  We get crazy ideas planted in our head, we have visions of crazy things that could, should, might happen.  And then what happens, 9 times out of 10, is that we worry over absolutely NOTHING.  Kelly used to get herself physically sick over worrying; kid you not.

The challenge from today was what if Christians, PEOPLE, lived in simple faith and not fear?  That doesn't mean that us as Christians are going to have hard times and struggle.  But the difference is that we can choose to trust in the One who knows all, sees all, created all, and dealt with it all whenever we have a hard time.  Whenever we feel that age-old fear creeping up again.  It's a choice, like Kelly said.  We can either choose to continue to let fear cripple us to the point of distorting reality, or we can do something about it.  If you know that something in your life is causing you worry, pray about it.  TRUST that God will see you through it, and REFLECT on all the things that God has already carried you through, and then IMAGINE all the things that God is going to carry you through in the future!!!!

How's that for making an appleseed into an apple tree?

It's the most wonderful time of the year!!!!

Kelly: Honestly, I had a rather rough morning. The results of my MRI came back normal, much to my surprise. Though I was relieved that surgery is ruled out, frustration soon took over as I left the office. Great, it's not this, but...what is it? SOMETHING is still going on, and nobody can figure out what. The doctor even told me "I'm just grasping at straws." Talk about comforting. So my next step has yet to come; nerve conduction studies. I left the office crying and eventually broke down in my sister's room. I guess the unknown of what is going on and on-going frustration just got to me. This vicious cycle....is exhausting. But I am keeping the faith, even though these times are really hard, but faith is all I've got.

Tonight was also the first night of the entire college music department's Christmas concert. The church we were at was full and the spirits were uplifted and joyful. During one of the songs I was singing, I really took the time to listen to the words. And during one part of the song...I just felt something inside me just....become happier.

Thank you for the Lamb
The precious lamb of God
Because of your grace I can finish this race
The precious lamb of God


And now, I'm in such a good mood. It just amazes me the wonderful power of Christmas and Christmas music can totally change one's outlook of an entire day. God is...awesome and amazing, and I thank Him that he can make a seemingly small situation and exposing it to me after a rough start. Peace be to all of you.

Holly: I too am in a fantastic mood! I received a good grade on an exam I just took (and this professor is notorious for rough exams), and I work with some really awesome people who always cheer me up and put me in a silly/good mood (I will blog about that at a later time).  But the moment that Kelly came in and was deeply frustrated and upset by the "normal" MRI, I put on my sister hat and just hugged her.  I didn't say anything.  There aren't words to describe how it feels when your sister is hurting.  But the power of presence is more that can be said.  Actions really do speak louder than words.

Anyway, the Christmas concert tonight is something that I have been looking forward to for a while now...mostly because I just LOVE Christmas.  But there is something to be said when you hear a church full of people singing carols! It's just heartwarming! I left the church smiling.  :) 

The content below is a conversation I had with a local pastor (who is a graduate of Berea and the temporary college band director).  I am not making any of this up:

"Do you sing in BME? Do you have a twin sister? I just LOVE watchin' y'all sing, cause y'all look so happy! And you actually have rhythm! 'Cause white people usually don't have rhythm! You represent white people well!"

I hope that you all are blessed by the sounds and sights of Christmas! :)

Need to get this all out

Kelly: I'm flying solo for this post. My mind is scrambling right now and I need to just get it all out in the open in hopes that it'll make me feel better. My hands are visibly shaking due to worry, frustration and honestly, a bit of relief. I just returned from another podiatry consult about my ankle. So for the half-dozenth time, I explained my whole scenario, starting back in February of 2010. I knew right from the get-go that this doctor was different. He wasn't going to give me just another cookie-cutter response and send me on my way this time. One of the first questions I was asked was for the MRI report. Yeah, like I have that laying around. Luckily, I remembered the name of the place and it was faxed over. First part of the frustration; I heard the report for the first time...TODAY. I had the MRI done in January.

Second part of the frustration comes now. The affected tendon in my ankle has been torn...this entire time. Not badly, but still. It's been torn slightly. I'm just wondering for these people...would that have been so hard to tell me? NO. I don't think so. Ok, enough about that. I'm talking to my best friend right now and my mood is lifting. But...still. I wouldn't be hurting as much if you know, they hadn't failed to tell me that from the get go. Ok, anyway. So here's what the doctor told me: to prevent further tearing, I am stuck in a brace until....I get the ok from my insurance for a repeat MRI.

This is where the worry comes in. If the problem has gotten worse, there's one and only one solution; surgery. Recovery time is 6 to 8 weeks. Physical therapy will follow. I don't even want to think about all of that right now; all the class work I'm going to have to get caught up in, all the work hours I might miss, that's the worry. The hardest year of my major....and now...THIS. Just when I thought things couldn't get any more stressful. So here's what I'm going to do until then; PRAY...constantly! Monday, talk to my teachers and keep them in the loop as much as possible. Consult with Holly as soon as she gets back from teaching lab. Call my folks this weekend to let them know. Tell people at church on Sunday. Try to keep myself from calling the MRI place and screaming at them...yeah, not going to help. Try not to think about the worst-case scenario and hope for the best. Keep the pain at bay as much as I am able. Enjoy the free time I have this weekend. Marvel at the fact that in 2 WEEKS I will be enduring quite possibly the BEST NIGHT of my entire life!!! Laugh at the silly things and thank God when I wake up each morning.

I just wanted to inform all of you what is going on. I'm doing all right right now; just finished talking with my best friend, which always helps. My advice to all of you is this, if you think there's something going on with you, investigate it. DO NOT STOP. Do not stop until you are at a point where you can go through your daily life and not be in pain, or whatever. You know yourself better than anybody; you owe it to yourself to explore the problem. Don't settle for just a "do this do that" response. Ok, that's all. I will let you all know when I hear back from when my repeat MRI is and then we'll just take it from there. Thanks for caring. I love you all. :]

Things are going to get better.

Kelly: Because eventually...they just have to. I am a firm believer that overtime so much bad comes our way that only good can be left. Bottom line. Like today for example...on Friday I'm heading to the 3rd outside consultation for my ankle problems that I've had for almost the past two years. Why? Because I know myself better than anyone, and NO ONE should have to be in constant pain for as long as I have been. Overtime, I've just gotten used to it that basically it's just the norm. More time goes by, and eventually I just stop thinking about it. But recently, the little voice in my head has resurfaced with that whisper of "ok, you can't just ignore this." So Friday...I go again. 1:45. I will update as soon as I am able.

Now comes the good stuff...I was feeling unsure about all this stuff that was going on with my ankle, and on top of that my best friend at home has been struggling with some issues. I won't mention them for privacy's sake, but...it's been really hard for all of us. But she's strong and she can handle it, and so can we. Anyway, so I was thinking about all that, on top of being in the ICU for clinicals all day which was super busy. I had just walked back into my dorm when I got a phone call from Holly. She was really quiet, and I thought she was upset. So now I'm uber freaking out, but then she told me "guess what I'm holding in my hand?" The rest is history...

The reason for our happiness!!

 Holly: I walked out of a test this morning feeling less than confident about it.  I spent over an hour on the phone today with my best friend from home, who is going through hell and back again.  I hung up the phone with her and broke down crying for about 10 minutes (which, if you know me...it takes quite a lot to get to me); I mostly just prayed "God, I don't know what to do anymore.  About anything!"  Decided at about 12:30 to check my CPO (which, again, on Tuesdays, because I don't eat lunch at food circus...I never do).  And out of ANY DAY OF THE WEEK/MONTH that the Colin and Brad tickets decide to be happily sitting in my CPO...it's today! 

If that isn't a sign that things aren't going to get better, then I sure as heck don't know what is.  I have hope.  There's hope.  There always is.  :)

Man, these times are hard

Kelly: It started with church today...the topic of this blog. But before I delve into the real purpose of this blog, I must say watching very....oh ok, cute Danish gymnasts perform in front of our very eyes was definitely worth getting out of my room for! Mmmm mmmm...good! Ok enough about that; time for what is really on my mind. It actually started in Sunday school; our class is doing a video series by a pastor named Andy Stanley (he is FANTASTIC!!!) called Twisting the Truth. It is exactly just that; how an invisible world (Satan) is attacking and twisting the truth of our visible world...here. Folks, this is such true stuff; we cannot ignore it! Anyway, today's discussion was about exactly how twisted this world is. For real.

One particular example I could not get out of my head was Westboro Baptist church. If you don't know who they are, then you are a blessed individual. I'd rather not explain all it is that they do, because thinking about it makes me physically ill. But I mentioned in my class that sometimes people can try to twist God's truth, and so on and so forth. Then came to the message...titled Stronger Together. Over the past year or so, our pastor mentioned that there have been several issues regarding our church unity; basically there are tensions that are keeping some of us congregation members divided. It just saddened me actually; was I just naive or was I completely unaware that these issues were even going on?

Even if it's not what you believe in, just hear me out; the world is so full of....crap. Crap that is threatening to change our views on culture, race, and each other. So many of us are hurting day after day, but all this world seems to be worrying about is who to blame for the next financial crisis, the next recession, or finding the next predictor of Earth's tragic demise. In my honest opinion, this world needs more than just us good-hearted people; it needs a Savior. Readers, I am not trying to preach, but please don't misunderstand me. It's up to us to combat this evil in the world and hold true to what we believe in. Because honestly, in this day and age, for some people it's all they've got.

Holly:  I really have nothing to add, except this: Whether or not you pray, believe in God, it doesn't matter: please be thinking/praying for our beloved church.  It has changed my life for the absolute better and the fact that there is so much hurt going on that I didn't know about hurts me.  And if there is anything that any of you are going through that you feel comfortable enough to share with us, please do.  Let me know if I can pray for you or help you in any way.  :)

I was introduced to this song today.  Yeah, I know, it's about birthdays...but really listen to it! It's so much more than that. 

Just Another Birthday- Casting Crowns

Sixteen finds me
Blowing out candles and making wishes
And all around me
Is everyone but the one I'm wishing for
And he sent me flowers
And gift-wrapped excuses
From a daddy whose daughter
Wants to see him again

And I know, I know
It's just another birthday
But I guess I thought
This would be the one
When he would call me, see me
Hold me and free me
But it's just another birthday

And I'll be fine
I'll be fine

Nineteen finds me
And I'm wild-eyed and wide open
I gave myself away to love
But backseat promises fade like a mist
I'm screaming at the midnight air
Everyone hears me but I don't care
My heart's clenched just like a fist
Cause, people, I didn't ask for any of this

And I'm not fine
I'm not fine

In the company of strangers
In a cold and sterile room
All alone with a child inside me
And I don't know what to do
Jesus, can You hear me
Come and heal my brokenness
Put the pieces back together
And be a Father to the fatherless

Twenty-one finds me
Blowing out candles and making wishes
And all around me
My barefoot princess twirls and sings
It's so amazing
Looking back at all God's brought us through
You are my happy birthday
And you were born to break the chains

Now I know, I know
It's not just another birthday
Cause I'm here, shes here
And look how far we've come
Since you've called me, saw me
Held me and freed me
Thank you, Lord, for another birthday
And we'll be fine
We'll be fine