Mrs. Lonely

Kelly: For the past couple of weeks, I have embarked on a new career path 2 hours away from Richmond. I have thoroughly enjoyed my job and getting to know those I am working with. The work has been fun, challenging and a great opportunity for me to expand on a very rewarding and promising career. The biggest adjustment I have had to make thus far is living on my own. For most of my life, I have lived with Holly or in close proximity to her (there was one year in college where we lived in the same dorm but 3 doors down from each other with separate roommates). Even when I was abroad in Scotland, I still lived with roommates. So really, this is the first time in my life where I've truly lived on my own. For the most part I can say I've enjoyed it. I'm really learning a lot about myself as an individual and this has been a great opportunity for me to be accountable and responsible, and I think I've done pretty well. There have been some things I miss though about living with someone, and sometimes the feeling of loneliness can get pretty overwhelming. 

That was the case last night. Holly was up here visiting me for a few days, and when I came home from work last night, my apartment was empty. Remnants of her presence were still there, and I instantly thought about how much fun we had over the past 2 days....and I broke down. And she called me, after not hearing from her for a while, and I basically went off. I was upset, told her I was upset and just wanted to be upset, and I wanted her to feel what I was feeling. During the conversation, she stopped me and said "Kelly, just stop. We need to pray about this." So that's what I did. I got off the phone with her, and I prayed. I realized that the root of all I was feeling was just loneliness. Plain and simple loneliness. It stinks sometimes, and it sneaks up on you when you're least expecting it, and that's what happened to me last night. After I finished praying, I sat in silence for about a minute, then for some reason felt compelled to go on my Facebook. The first thing that came up on my newsfeed was a picture of a friend of mine and her kids at the movies. And I smiled....widely. I thought about the good times we had shared over the last couple of months, how we've walked alongside each other in Christ, encouraged each other and some of the conversations we've shared, and it made me so happy. It was then I realized that where that happiness came from; God. 

As a Christian single young woman, it seems like there's a lot of pressure for us to learn how to be contented in our singleness. And yeah, for the most part, I am. But there are some days....where that feeling of walking home after a long day of work with no one to share it with really hits me hard. I am still a work in progress, and God has shown me so much about Him in these last 3 weeks that I've been here. I know there's still so much I have to learn, if I'm willing to be open to what He might be trying to show me or tell me. I am so thankful that God is patient, and I don't think I'll ever be able to truly comprehend and acknowledge all that He has done for me. I really am blessed, and sometimes I forget that when I let my feelings take over. One day at a time. Today is better. 

Holly: As I told Kelly via text just a little bit ago, the timing for this could not have been more perfect. I'm a little hesitant to share this, but  here goes: Over the weekend I attended a church event. At one point the crowd had thinned considerably and I was left waiting for my boyfriend to finish tearing down the set/stage from the morning. I waited...and I waited...and I waited some more. And it wasn't too long before this overwhelming feeling of loneliness set in. It didn't make any sense to me; in a good-sized crowd, all gathered together for the sake of glorifying the Lord, I should have felt right at home. But I didn't. At one point I felt very isolated.  Left out. And it hurt.

Later on in the day, after seriously considering going home, I moved spots, where I was able to spend some time in pleasant conversation with a mom I'd recently gotten to know through a small group. It certainly helped to alleviate the feelings from before. But after I'd gotten home and was talking about the day with my boyfriend, at some point, all of the hurt from earlier came to a rise. And I just completely broke. All the while I was silently praying...just for the hurt to go away. After that, I'm not sure what happened, whether it was my prayers or my boyfriend praying too, but I felt better. I soon realized that there is one person that will never, ever leave us to feel isolated, lonely, left out, and that's God. I believe He brought peace into my heart at the exact moment I asked for it.  I believe He did the same to Kelly, just through a different means. Part of my conversation with Kelly a few days ago was a reminder that my boyfriend by himself is not and cannot be the source of my joy. At least full, complete, unconditional joy. That type of joy can ONLY be found in Christ and through Christ based on what He did for us at the cross and what He has done in our lives.

Wrapping up and maybe digressing a little with a bit of a confession: I think the church needs to refocus some of its areas more towards single people. Many ministries are geared towards married couples and families, and I think that's absolutely fantastic. But I don't think I need to throw out hard data and statistics to make a point that number of single people attending church is rising. And sometimes I think they're getting left out of what could be some very valuable opportunities. I think my prolonged period of singleness was beneficial in my now relationship, but I think that, especially for young women, there's a lot of shame in being single. And there shouldn't be at all!

Maybe I should rephrase that last bit: I think we as humans sometimes need to refocus some of our areas towards single people. I would encourage any of you reading this who are married or in a relationship: reach out to one or a few of your single friends. Encourage them in their goals and in their walk with Christ. Show Christ TO them. Remind them that their singleness is to be celebrated, not a problem to be fixed. Let them know that they are loved and treasured. Because when we have that perfect, complete joy in Christ, we are free to be the 100% version of us that we are destined to be. Single or not. Cry out to God in the midst of your loneliness. He is there.