Holly: Earlier today Kelly and I got into an argument. A pretty heated one. It eventually culminated into a battle of "well now I'M going to be honest about this and that", and we both said some things. I was really hurt by what she said. Really hurt. We've since made up and all that, but it just got me to thinking about honesty and being honest. Now, I'm all for it, personally. HOWEVER, I think that sometimes there is a line between being honest and being hurtful. We have good intentions, but sometimes what we say just comes out really really wrong, and people interpret things differently. I also think there's some degree of a need-to-know basis when it comes to being honest.
Let me give you an example: I love the tv show Sherlock. I also love the two starring actors in said show (Martin Freeman and Benedict Cumberbatch, for those back home and/or living under a rock). If I were ever blessed enough to get the opportunity to meet them (hey, a girl can dream, right?), of course I would tell them things like "Hi, I love your work on Sherlock, and I love your passion and humility for your job, it's really inspiring, you have an extraordinary amount of talent, etc" (Which is all very true, by the way). Would I go on to say that I find them both incredibly attractive and secretly hope that they would retire to the States and live in my kitchen and play with my cats? Um...no, probably not. Like I said: need. to. know. basis.
I apologize for my silly and fangirl struck example, but what I'm getting at is this: I appreciate people and their insatiable need to be honest, but a rule of thumb for me is to ask this: is what I am about to tell this person going to build them up, help them become better, or is it going to bring them down? Because if you know you're going to hurt someone with your words, it's probably better to just not say anything at all. Another thing: if you absolutely MUST get the truth out, try to find a way to word it in a way that won't come across as hurtful. And sometimes, if people WANT a brush with honesty......they'll ask for it. Bottom line: think before we speak.
Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak, and slow to become angry. ~James 1:19
Kelly: The beauty of being a twin is that we have differing opinions on soooo many aspects of life and we respect each other's opinion. This is one of those aspects in which our opinions differ. (and 3 DAYS LATER I pick back up on this....wow.) For me, I feel that when someone asks you to be honest with them, you are always taking a risk. Taking that risk because what you say may make them mad. Or hurt their feelings. Or awaken them.
But what happens if they DON'T ask and the truth just comes out? How do you deal with the blow that may come after it? Well...speaking from experience the truth comes out when the timing just wasn't good. In fact it was quite crappy. You have to realize that when you're speaking the truth you shouldn't be intending to hurt someone on purpose. I've been asked "well why don't you just not say it?" How am I supposed to know what I say will hurt someone? Again, goes back to taking a risk. I feel that if the timing is right the truth should come out, regardless. Once again, speaking from experience, I know that sometimes I need somebody to be brutally honest with me but I don't necessarily ask for it. I feel that sometimes honesty shouldn't be prompted, harsh truth I apologize. But I also feel that it is ok to ask for that brutal honesty. I'm so indecisive on this issue...truth is it's all arbitrary.
Here's another take on the issue that we did not discuss; being honest with yourself. Having a conscious. Making a promise to complete something then not going forth with it. That can hurt sometimes too. I know when I do that I feel disappointed. Like I let myself down. I think that's almost worse than letting someone else down. The saying is true...you are your own worst critique. It's easy to look in the mirror and feel good about yourself when you look good, but man....I think it's even easier to tear yourself down. Folks, that is just not healthy. At all. And what's also sad is that I do not know how we can stop that. I have no shred of advice of how we can stop tearing ourselves down. That's a sad truth for me to admit. But for now, I think that something we can all do is think. Think about others in our lives. Take that risk if they ask for honesty; be wary if they don't. But for goodness sake let's be honest with ourselves too! Hold onto what we say we're going to do or want to do and do it! If we don't or if we screw up, think, pray, reflect and try again. :]
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