Holly: The other day I was thinking of this very question, and it's really struck me ever since: If you had everything you wanted, everything you REALLY wanted...would it change anything? What struck me the most is that, for me anyway, the answer would probably be no.
Sure, if I had a million dollars, it would change my financial situation, but it wouldn't change me as a person. If Martin Freeman walked into my apartment and said "Holly, be my wife", it would change my relationship status, but it wouldn't change me as a person (Ok, maybe that's not the best example). But do you understand what I'm saying? Think about it: When you finally get something you really, really want, how does it make you feel? Probably ecstatic, at first. But feelings fade and change over time. Eventually, it just feels like another routine, another brick set into a growing wall. Something I've learned is that things don't change me: time does, experiences do, God does. I've done a lot of growing up since being on my own...probably more so in this past week alone. Eventually, when it's all said and done, I think at some point you say everything that can be said and do everything that can be done. It has to be enough. Our society is so selfish: let's see what we can do to get everyone desiring bigger, better, faster, stronger, damned if we do, damned if we don't. What's wrong with being satisfied with what you already have? Right now, there's a lot of unknowns in my life, but I'm the happiest and the most at peace I've been in a long time. I have everything I need...even if it isn't everything I necessarily want.
I think of Bilbo Baggins in his sweeping quest: something "Tookish" awakes in him and he's suddenly longing for adventure, thrills, a rip-roaring good time. But look what happens: he's attacked by trolls, spiders, elves, almost drowns, is caught in a humongous battle, among other things. Is what you REALLY want really worth the possible repercussions?
Kelly: Often the scream of protest when something goes our way, or you didn't get what you wanted...again. Life is cruel sometimes, ain't it? As a result of some events that have happened this week, I've done a lot of growing up. I suppose I'm a lot stronger than I thought I was. For the sake of privacy I'm not going to go into detail of the events, but all is well. Eventually you get to a point in which you can't say anymore or do anything else, for it has all been said and done already. You win some and you lose some. I've prayed and made my peace with the situation. Anyway, as I was thinking last night about the events of this week and other things, I realized that one thing that I needed was some sort of closure. But the more Holly and I kept talking, the more I realized that it wasn't something I needed; just something I wanted. But we continued to talk more, and I realized that I didn't even want it at all. I was somehow trying to justify something that simply cannot be. Like I said, it's all already been said and done.
Last night as I was wrapping up my daily quiet time, I wrote in my journal, thanking God for how He has blessed me lately. I closed by writing that I was thankful for always having everything that I need, and thanking Him that He did not give me everything that I wanted. That would be quite scary; me having everything I wanted. I feel if that were so, I would completely lose dependence on God...sometimes I already feel like that. It's like I feel like a child who has lost her mom in a crowded shopping mall. I then though of something else; and yes, you can't have an H and K blog post without some sort of reference. When the new Hobbit movie trailer was released, I was quite pleased with the fact that Smaug's voice still remained hidden. Leave room for a little bit of mystery come December. That's what it's like with living with God; if He granted us everything we wanted, we'd all be stagnant. The mystery that is Christ Himself would no longer be. So I'll close with this; do you really NEED what you are seeking, or do you just want it?
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