To have or not to have (kiddos/wee ones)

Kelly: DISCLAIMER: WE LOVE OUR MOM FRIENDS AND YOUR CHILDREN! THIS POST HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH "MOM BASHING," OR BRATTY KIDS OR ANYTHING LIKE THAT. ANYTHING SHARED IN THIS POST IS PURELY OUR OWN THOUGHTS, FEELINGS AND CONVERSATIONS THAT THE TWO OF US HAD. SO MOMS AND OUR MOM FRIENDS, KEEP UP THE GOOD WORK, BECAUSE YOU'RE DOING A FANTASTIC JOB!!!!! OK???? OK!!!

I am 25 years old. I am a nurse. I love my family, friends, my job and doing what I do. I hope one day that God will give me "the one," and that I will get married and live happily ever after (that's a good one) with my future husband. I pray that I will find a Godly man who loves God first, supports me in whatever I decide and remembers daily the promise he made to me and before God. If/when I meet "the one," this truth I am about to reveal may be a deal breaker, and I've come to terms with that.

I don't want children.

I have absolutely nothing against my mom friends or moms in general, like mentioned in the above disclaimer. Now before you try to say "oh but when you meet the one you'll change your mind," or "when the time is right you'll want them."  I will say thank you and smile. But I'm not going to change my mind; I'm just being honest. And this isn't something that I've thought overnight, no. This has been my way of thinking for years now. Quite a few years. I've honestly just never seen myself becoming a mother. I've never had that desire. Please don't be sad on my behalf, please. I really do like kids. I've enjoyed watching the kids grow up at my church and become mature and responsible young men and women. I enjoyed babysitting in high school (and still do!). I enjoy some of my mom friends sharing their funny stories on Facebook about their kid stories. There are a lot of reasons why I don't want children, and that right now is not the point of this post. Why am I sharing this? What's the point of this? I don't know; this is something that's been weighing on my heart to share for a while now. I honestly don't know why now. But now you know.

And yes, maybe one day I will change my mind. I've always been open to that possibility. And if I do change my mind, I hope to be as great of a mom as my mom is.

Holly: First off, I would like to echo Kelly's statement, and that is do not be sad for her.  There is SO MUCH more to life than having children (Although kids are great and I'm sure they bring fulfillment and joy and all kinds of other stuff to your life) I wouldn't know because we do not have any.

I don't share the same side as Kelly, in the sense that I honestly don't know whether or not I want children. My mind changes often, and it flip flops so much because although I am completely and totally amazed and in awe at the concept of being pregnant and all that comes during and after, it's the after that is just a mind-boggling amount of responsibility that, quite frankly, scares me. There is no room for selfishness. You have to invest hours and hours and hours of time, love, nurturing and sleepless nights with absolutely no idea of the outcome (All you can do is the aforementioned and pray that your child doesn't turn into a total monster).

I hope to be married someday, and when I think about my life with my future husband, I picture us traveling together, sharing life together, doing all the crazy stuff I do with Kelly, together! I love the idea of sharing my life with my "soulmate" and the one that God has intended for me to be with, rather than sharing my life with my "soulmate" and one or two mini "us"es. I guess the bottom line is that I won't be devastated if my husband and I don't have children. But if we do, well then...adventure is out there! :)

There's a whole lot more to our kid conversations, and perhaps we will share those at another time.  Regardless of whether you are a mom or not, let's focus on what is the "right now" in our lives, instead of "what could be" or what someone else has.  You'll find you're a lot more blessed than you think!

Packages from Mom

Kelly: It's no secret of mine that I have a close relationship with my mom. With both of my parents actually. But in the past few years, I feel that I have grown especially closer to my mom. Don't know if that's because I've been out of their house since I was 18; officially since last year. We talk at least once a week, sometimes more. I am not ashamed to say that at my age I still need my mommy and daddy! Like a child getting lost in the mall....like that. It's the same way that I need (and we all need) Christ! To those who out there who are not as close to their parents, I hurt, because I do not know what I would do without my parents. I sincerely hope you can work out your differences, whatever they may be. To those of you who lost your parents due to death, again, I hurt. I know you miss them deeply and would love to see them again; I'll say a prayer for you tonight.

But one of the things that my mom did while we were in college was send us random holiday packages...for each holiday. This tradition of holiday packages started around our sophomore year of college. Valentine's Day, Easter, our birthday, Halloween, but not Christmas since we were usually home then. In these packages there's usually candy, candles, a sock monkey or two (for me!), coupons, and other assorted things. Sometimes there have been socks for that holiday, toys for our kitties, or other assorted Dollar store goodies (the very place we introduced our mom to in the first place), but in each one there was always a card or a note that usually says "yay! Good for you" or "you can do it" or "we're so proud of you!" I'm not a mom yet nor I don't know if I will ever be, but I think those are some of the greatest things a parent can, and should say, to their child or children. And they should say it often. And our parents did and still do.

Holly: When Kelly texted me earlier today with the words "MOMMY PACKAGE!!!!" my day instantly got better.  When I got home and perused through this particular package's contents, I said "If I ever have kids, I am going to send them packages too."  I know my parents love me and are proud of me, but sometimes it's the unexpected surprises that remind you just how much you are loved.  And missed.  I miss my mom and dad.  Yes, at 23, I still miss my mommy and daddy, and I don't see that changing any time soon.  I figured that when I moved out and was on my own, I would miss them less.  Nope.  Don't get me wrong, I love being on my own and being independent, but if my parents showed up at my door tomorrow and said I could move back home, I wouldn't spare a second thought.

I know my parents aren't going to be on this earth forever, and it breaks my heart to imagine my life without them.  So for now, I try to cherish the time I do get to spend with them.  Usually it's just for a few days at a time, several months apart.  I appreciate the time I spend with them now, possibly more than I did before I started college, moved out, etc.  I regret that.  I really do.  My parents have been there for me so many times, have believed in my craziest dreams, and have never been shy of voicing how proud they are of me and Kelly and how much they love us.  It kills me when I hear my friends say that they don't get along with their parents, or they never hear their parents tell them that they are proud of them.  Or my friends who still live with their parents but they just don't talk.  When my parents come to visit, that's basically all we do.  I feel like I could talk to my parents all day!

If any of you are reading this and you don't have a good relationship with your parents, maybe it's time to bridge the gap.  If any of you are reading this and your parents aren't with you anymore, I hope you think of them with a smile on your face, tears (of whatever magnitude, if necessary), and love and warmth in your heart.  If any of you are reading this and you still live with your parents, please hug them a little more.  Tell them you love them.  Tell them you're proud to be their son or daughter.  This world is so ugly, as our roommate Brittany said, and it needs beautiful things.  One of our candles from today's mommy package is burning, and now I'm thinking of home-cooked meals, the smell of the house, laughing together.  That's a beautiful thing.

Home sweet home for a little while

Holly: The TV is on, which is something I'm not really used to.  There's a slight chill in the house.  I look outside my window and don't see any street lights or hear the sounds of narcoleptic students being unreasonably loud at unreasonable hours.  No traffic.  No sirens.  No noise.

Home.

Yes, spring break has arrived.  Yay!  Don't get me wrong, I'm practically Berea's number one fan, but I'm so ready to just be away for a while.  Although I really don't get that much of a break: I'm working on a lab notebook for one of my biology courses (that's 300-level but feels like a graduate level), reading a book for my biology capstone (that's 400-level but feels like a 100-level...I am NOT complaining, by the way), apartment-searching (although my sister is a goob and left the majority of the phone numbers at school.  Hey, ya gotta start somewhere, I reckon), continuing the ever-arduous job search,  and starting the even more arduous task of packing up some of my stuff here so I can get the bleep out of my parent's house in May (can you be excited and scared at the same time???????? I say yes).

And it's only a week.  Stay tuned.  :)

Kelly: Well as for me, this really won't be much of a break. I still have a lot of homework to do...BLAAAAH. Oh well, no rest for the weary I suppose. However, I have devoted some of the break for some quiet time with sis and my best friend. And once I get back on campus I will hopefully be rejuvenated enough to tackle the rest of what the semester holds for me!

During this break we are also taking another bold leap; starting the process of moving out! Yes. One day this week we will be spending it by sorting our stuff; keep, sell and toss. We hope we are successful and don't have as much to bring back to Berea...cross your fingers for no U-Hauls!!!! Also keep your fingers crossed that this week I hear about my CNA job and we also find a place to go in Berea. That is also on the agenda...even though we will only have 3 apartments to call since I am a ree-ree and forgot the apartment book of phone numbers in Berea in my desk drawer. Oops. And it's for this reason why we can't have anything nice!

That's all to report for now. We are looking very forward to this time off!

Teens these days...

Kelly: I found this video circulating around Facebook. You can read the description yourselves, but I just want to make something clear first; this dang girl has it MADE. I didn't even HAVE a cell phone, iPod OR laptop when I was that age. Point #1. Growing up, I had chores, on top of doing homework. I didn't even get my DRIVER'S LICENSE until I was 19. Got my first actual cell phone when I was also 19, first iPod at 16 and my first laptop till COLLEGE. But I EARNED every single one of those things! My brother had to get a job when he got his license.

Yeah, this girl does have it easy. Really. I never rebelled against my parents, because I knew I had to obey my parents. If I had said anything remotely close to what she wrote in that post, I'd been grounded till I was 60! RESPECT. It goes a long way!  When we were kids, we were never spanked. WHY? Because we knew not to hit each other!!! RESPECT...not only for parents but for siblings too. My mom often talks about the 5th graders she teaches; they're so whiny and expect everything to be handed to them. They don't have respect for ANYONE, especially themselves! It's sad. When I watch this, I'm proud that I was raised the way I was. I have no regrets!

Holly: As I have posted in several Facebook comments, I DO NOT condone the shooting of the laptop.  However, the video does raise several completely valid points.  The fact that a 15-year-old even had the nerve to post something like she did was completely uncalled for, not to mention immature and way disrespectful!! I mean, what was she trying to accomplish here? Whatever it was,  it was not very well thought through.  Of ALL the places to post a rant of any sort, DO NOT do it on Facebook! One way or another it will come back around!

I do have to agree with Kelly and say that she did have it easy as well.  Yeah, when I was a teenager, I had chores, and yes, I moaned and groaned all the time about doing them, but I did them.  But now that I'm in my 20's and about to live on my own, I realize that those few little things my parents asked me to do don't even compare to EVERYTHING that my parents have done for me!  To be honest, I think some contributions without being asked here and there are at the very least what we should be doing!  At least that's my mindset when I go home for breaks.  Because like I said earlier, my parents have done EVERYTHING for me!  I hope that that girl realizes this someday.  It's sad that she doesn't right now.

I can hear some of you saying "yeah, well, every teenager goes through a rebellious phase."  Well...I didn't.  Not even close.  I'm not trying to brag.  That's just how I was brought up.  Respect is a two-way street: you have to give it to get it.  I may not have always seen eye-to-eye with my parents, but I sure as hell respected them; I think I respect them more-so now. 

Teens: listen to your freaking parents.  Yeah, they'll drive you nuts, you'll argue with them, but when you get to be my age, you'll appreciate them and miss them more and more.  Trust me on this one. 

Here's the Video.