Being content: Identifying that "spark"

Kelly: Today Holly asked me a serious question. She asked me "how did you know you wanted to do what you do now?" I had thought of this before, but the obvious answer, like when someone asks you how you know if he/she is "the one", what's the most common answer? You just know. Right? Well yeah, that's what I said. It's true, but she wanted more, and on the spot I wasn't prepared to answer that. I had some time to think about it, and I answered honestly; I was passionate about the field I am in. When I was in nursing school three years ago and I was where I currently work, and I saw these patients. Then it hit me; mental illness isn't someone tied up in a straight jacket beating their head against the wall or drooling. These people, because that's what they are before patients, have families, friends, jobs, that they have sometimes given up to get themselves on the road to get better. I told myself that there was so much about these illnesses that I didn't understand, and I wanted to learn more about them.

It's hard sometimes to know what we want to do with ourselves. Sometimes I feel like I still am not sure I'm in the right place. But then, more often, I get affirmations that this is exactly where I am meant to be. So that's that. I love what I do. It makes me sad when I see people doing something where their mind may be in it but their heart is a million miles away. And I also believe that God calls us to do what we do because He gives us that spark in something. I believe that's part of why I ended up where I am now.

Holly: I've had almost 24 hours to mull this over.  I'll keep my part brief.  So here goes:

Hello, my name is Holly Korb.  I graduated from Berea College with a B.A. in Biology.  I've worked 4 jobs in 2 years, 2 of them being temporary, one being part-time.  My last week with UK Biology starts Monday.  In spite of ALL of this, I still have absolutely no idea what I want to do with my life.  There, I said it.

Do I feel ok about that?  Ehh....some days are easier than others.  But while driving to work this morning, I was talking to God about my anxieties, the fact that I've become a bit of a job-hopper, that I'm afraid of getting into a perpetual "What's next?" rut.  And then something kind of dawned on me: Why do we have to be defined by what we do with our lives?  Why can't we be defined by what we live for?  Or, more importantly, who we live for.

The next statement some of you may disagree with (only because I know many people who have their lives planned out, they have dead-set career goals, which is AWESOME. I envy you slightly) but I think that in a society with an unstable economy, at best, I think it's complete crap that this society basically expects us college graduates to know exactly what we want to do as soon as we walk off that stage with our degree.  It's complete crap only for the simple fact that we will probably change our minds.  And if we don't change our minds, then plans change.  Things fall through.  That's just the way it goes.  Jobs are not forever.  Which goes back to my earlier question...why do we have to be defined by what we do with our lives?

Hello, my name is Holly Korb, and I don't know what I want to be when I grow up.  But I know who I live for, and that's God, and He has all this figured out.  And that has to be enough for now.

Getting to Know us!

A friend of ours posted a challenge by a friend of hers, titled "Getting to know me." So here's ours! :D

1. What is a nickname only your family calls you? 
Kelly: Opal. Well, only my dad calls me that. It started when I was a kid. Still stuck
Holly: My dad calls me H, which has been a recent thing.  H-bomb when I was younger.

2. What is a weird habit of yours? 
Kelly: If I remember it I'll put it on here.
Holly: I chew on the insides of my cheek (gross, I know).  I still bite my nails too.  It's probably why I'm still single :P

3. Do you have any weird phobias? 
Kelly: Stinging bugs. Any of them. I am pretty sure I'm borderline phobic of them. When I grew up if there was one in my bedroom I couldn't kill it because I was too scared. This stemmed after I got stung by a wasp under my nose when I was a kid. And after one that I squished stung me on my foot. And after stepping on a bee in the garage while I was washing my parent's car.
Holly: I am terrified of breaking down in Lexington.  This isn't a joke either.  Cray cray drivers up there.  Ok, this may be a joke, so I wouldn't go so far as to call it a phobia.  I don't really have any phobias, but I am afraid of falling.  Yes, that is different than being afraid of heights.

4. What is a song you secretly like to blast to when you are alone? 
Kelly: I still now and then listen to N*SYNC and Backstreet Boys. Not ashamed whatsoever.
Holly: "Fix My Eyes" by for KING & COUNTRY is pretty much default nowadays.  And not a secret! I like "Pompeii" by Bastille, although the premise is really sad.  And if "What's Love Got to Do With It", oh, it's on.  I have others, but I'd like to maintain some of my dignity ;)

5. What is one of your biggest pet peeves? 
Kelly: Close-mindedness. Bottom line.
Holly: I have several, unfortunately, but one that really grinds my gears is drivers that don't use a turn signal.  AAAGGHHH!!

6. What's one of your nervous habits? 
Kelly: Fidgeting, that's the most common one. Also, I act really stupid/giggly.
Holly: Bouncing my legs when I'm sitting.  Used to drive my mom nuts.

7. What side of the bed do you sleep on? 
Kelly: My bed is a twin bed, but when I'm out or in a bigger bed, usually the right side.
Holly: My left, your right, depending on your perspective :)

8. What was your first stuffed animal and what was its name? 
Kelly: It didn't have a name, but it was this raggedy bear with googly eyes. It was our brother's and (I think) our mom's too. It's at our Ohio house. I think at one point it was called Ginger.
Holly: I can't remember my first stuffed friend, but I have one from when I was 7 that I still sleep with: a ratty terrier-looking dog from the Columbus Zoo.  I call her Ashley.  She's been lots of places.

9. What's the drink you always order at Starbucks? 
Kelly: Either a grande cafe vanilla frappucino or grande cafe espresso frappucino. Then the usual pumpkin spice when they're in season.
Holly: Pumpkin spice latte when they're around, no questions.  Other than that, either a grande cafe vanilla frappucino, a grande valencia orange refresher with vanilla, or a blonde roast with cream and sugar. Sometimes I like a caramel apple spice.  As you can tell, I frequent Starbucks :)

10. Which way do you face the shower? 
Kelly: Uhhhhhh...I'm not really sure how to answer this question. So I suppose I will say no comment.
Holly: I reject this question and substitute my own.  Which....I will think of later.

11. Do you have any weird body skills? 
Kelly: This question made me LOL. But no. No I don't.
Holly: Kelly didn't mention it, but we can do this silly foot dance thing that our mom taught us.  Ask us about it sometime!

12. What is your favorite comfort food that you know is bad but you eat it anyway? 
Kelly: Chocolate. ANYTHING chocolate.
Holly: Well, I just finished a bowl of Edy's mint cookie crunch, so.......

13. What is a phrase or exclamation you always say? 
Kelly: Either "Allons-y, Allonso!" or "Oh my glob." If I really sat down and thought about it then I could think of more.
Holly: If I hear something awesome or crazy, I say "get out."  Actually, it's more like "GET OUT!" Kelly has been on the receiving end of this quite often.

14. What do you wear when you go to sleep?
Kelly: Sometimes my scrub pants from work. I only have one actual set of PJ's. But usually just whatever.
Holly: Usually just a big t-shirt and a pair of shorts.  Cute PJ pants when it gets cooler :)

15. What did you used to wear that you thought was cool, and now you realize it wasn't? 
Kelly: Oh my gosh, does anybody remember those fugly plastic shoes/sandals from the 90's? Totally had a pair of those. HACK.
Holly: Not really so much "wearing", but when I was in high school I used to wear a ton of eye makeup.  You know, the black mascara, black eyeliner, metallic eyeshadow.  I was so into it, and looking through old pictures now a few years later it just looks terrible.  I rarely wear makeup now, but when I do I prefer the natural approach.

Things change/remembering Brian

Kelly: The ever so cliche saying of God making good out of something bad really is true. We were 15 when Brian passed away; still young and clueless. Heck, I'm still young and clueless, but that's beside the point. But after the funeral, I remember feeling a sense of closure, but that sense of closure soon turning into anger. I was angry at God; angry and wondering how He could take someone I had barely known away from me. From the rest of his friends. From his family. It didn't seem fair. A few weeks prior to his death, he went to some camp....sadly I can't remember which one, and he accepted Christ. Again, I don't remember where I heard that from. He was about to start his senior year of high school and was supposed to graduate with our brother.

Then coming to college and things changed. I thought about Brian a lot. But that night I accepted Christ into my life (again) I realized and was comforted at the fact that he was in Heaven with Jesus, and it felt...right. And now, fast forward to 9 years later. I'm working where I love and loving what I do. So often I get patients who are depressed and want to end their own lives, usually because of a loss in their lives. Lost their jobs, going through a divorce/separation, and most often loss of a loved one. I always try to tell them that times are hard, but somehow we find the strength to make it through. My strength came from (and still does) come from God, but way back then I didn't realize that. Or if I did, I was just too busy being pissed off. And now, our lives are going on, and the world is still spinning. I still do think of Brian, but not as often as I used to. But when I do think of him, I think of my other friends, who for whatever reason or rhyme are still in my life but live far away. I don't know when I'll ever see them again, but I pray for their happiness and safety often. I am at peace, because I know Brian is in a better place, and I do hope one day when my time comes I will see him again.

Holly: It's amazing, and a bit staggering, to be honest, at how sometimes things can change so quickly.  Like this week, for example.  Monday, I woke up to another normal work day; Tuesday, I had my Grow Appalachia interview; Wednesday, another work day; Thursday, I received the offer; and yesterday, I submitted my resignation to my supervisor.  That's that.  It's done, just like that.  On paper, my last day at UK is August 15th, just shy of three weeks from now.  My days at UK are numbered, I have some time in between, and then on August 25th I hop on a plane to either Philadelphia, DC, Columbus, or Atlanta, and start a new chapter in my life.  Things change.

And then, yesterday, I thought a lot of Brian.  I still remember that day very fondly; just another day of marching band practice.  We were all in the auditorium and then my friend was running to Kelly and I saying "it's Brian, he's gone."  Things change.

Yesterday, July 25th, was 9 years since we lost our friend Brian, killed in a car accident.  Brian was a friend whom we had just barely gotten to know, and yet...I don't know if I can speak for everyone, but I felt as if I'd known him my whole life.  He could make anybody laugh.  When we all parted ways for the summer I almost couldn't wait for the new school year to start, just to see what sort of shenanigans our group could get into.  Our group all saw each other again that summer, but it was at his funeral.  Not long after that, school started again.  That was 9 years ago.  I was 15 years old, still a kid, still had so much of high school left, hadn't even heard of Berea College, thought that friendships lasted forever, thought band was my world, and you know...the list goes on.  I've done a lot of growing up since then, but I still think of Brian often.  Things change, yes they do.  But never forget where you were and what has happened.

We all change, when you think about it.  We are all different people, all through our lives, and that's ok! That's good!  You've got to keep moving, so long as you remember all the people you used to be.

Deep breath: The next chapter

Holly: It's the deep breath before the plunge. -Gandalf, "Return of the King"

It's very fitting for me that the first episode of this newest season of Doctor Who is titled "Deep Breath." This, coupled with Gandalf's words and the words of those who have always had my back and will continue to do so, resonated with me as I hung up the phone this morning.

Today, another chapter in my life story began being written.

This morning I was offered an Americorps VISTA position, in conjunction with Berea College and an organization called Grow Appalachia.  I interviewed for this position on Tuesday, after taking the day off from work so I could gain my bearings and dwell on just what I could be getting myself into.  And today, I suppose that the Grow Appalachia team decided I can cut it.  And I know I can.  

I've had over a week to think about all of this, from the time I initially applied for the position until Tuesday, and even from after my interview on Tuesday until today.  If you know me, you know I've tried to get my foot in the door at the college for quite some time now, but every opportunity I applied for never even got an interview, just a solid rejection after months of waiting.  It was very frustrating, because I believed that God was calling me there.  But this opportunity was different.  Within an hour after submitting my application materials I was called for an interview (I'm really not exaggerating on that, either).  I had my interview on Tuesday and was told I would hear something within a week or two, the following Monday at the earliest; I got the offer today.  I know it doesn't make sense, but it just feels....right.  It's not going to come without some sacrifices, though; as a VISTA I'll be making roughly half of what I make now as a lab coordinator.  In addition to that, it's a 12-month commitment, meaning afterwards, there could be another open door with the organization, something at the college, etc...or I could be back at square one.  

But that's something I've learned while walking with God and living in this world we live in: You can't plan ahead if you're trying to follow God's will.  As a Christ-follower, I believe that God is sovereign, and He calls us to do various things, at any time, without warning, because He is God and He is in control.  As a Christ-follower, I do not live for myself; I live for God.  Where God goes, I follow in obedience and TRUST that He will provide for our needs.  Because He already has. And I'll let Kelly share that bit with you all.  

So that's where I am right now.  These next few weeks are going to be a bit of a whirlwind as I transition out of UK and all the comforts thereto and into the trenches of Americorps and service and really living like the least of these.  

Kelly: My thoughts will continue...after I eat dinner. 

Anyway, now that I'm finished, I will continue. I have to admit, I was a bit apprehensive at first, considering this will result in us having a drastic cut in our bank of income. And our Europe trip is now postponed until next fall, but these are sacrifices we were both willing to make. But to be fair, AmeriCorps is a really excellent organization, as is PeaceCorps, as a very dear friend is about 6 months into a 2 year commitment in Thailand. But as we were embarking on our almost daily evening walk, I found myself thinking about my last summer/year in college. I spent my last summer as a student working minimum wage as a facilities assistant...ok...I was a janitor, but hey, it was a good job. In my opinion its something everyone should do at least once in their lifetime. ANYWAY, but in my last year of school, I was working 15 hours a week making $5.65 an hour, and most of the time due to classes and clinicals, I wasn't even getting in 15 hours. I did the math, so that's...roughly $339 a month. And we were living off campus and had to pay rent, utilities, my own cell phone and the sort. Holly had just finished her first job at UK in November and soon after started working in Old Navy; that was her only job from December until I graduated. Then she got another job as a temp in UK's Department of Pathology. Between those two jobs, she was only making about $500 a month. Sometimes more if she picked up extra at Old Navy. Then, when I graduated, I didn't even have a job until August. So from the middle of May to the beginning of August, we were living only on Holly's earnings. And while I was in school, the two of us were living on less than $1000 a month. We were scared, to be honest. We struggled many times to make ends meet, but we got by. Thanks be to God I had food stamps. We prayed that God would meet our needs and bless us with what we had. And He did. Today He still continues to do so. 

So why am I telling you readers all of this? Number one, it's reality. It was reality for us for a long time. But it was possible; God brought us through that time. Number two, God is faithful! He is gracious to those who pursue His best interests. Holly wanted to find something in her field at the time, and I was following God's calling by finishing nursing school. However, that faithfulness doesn't come without a price; we had to learn that His answers come in His time, not ours. And even when we couldn't see the light, God was standing right there, even if He was just holding a flashlight. So that's that. Things will be tight, yes, but I remember God's promises and the fact that He brought us through that and so much more! We will make it work, rest assured, but we'll be ok. I prayed this morning that if this is meant to be, then it will be. God will make a way. Thanks to YOU ALL for being so supportive of us, and please continue your support. We will covet your prayers as this period will bring so much excitement but new challenges as well. 

The Car Wash Guy

Holly: Today I'm going to share a simple reminder of trying to find the joy in life.  Because, let's face it, we all ride that struggle bus sometimes.

Every day on my way home from work I drive past a fairly busy intersection in Lexington- for those of you who may be familiar, it's Richmond Road/New Circle.  A few days a week, there is a man who stands under the New Circle overpass, and he wears a sign advertising for a nearby car wash.  He is so animated, with the biggest smile on his face, that you just can't help but smile, honk your horn and wave yourself.  Like I said, he's there a few days a week, but not every day.  One particular day I was just struck with this thought: here is a man, who is wearing this big bulky sign, and he stands and waves at traffic for hours and hours and hours, day in and day out.  I've seen him when it's been 90+ outside, I've seen him in the rain, I saw him during the RIDICULOUS cold.  And yet, he's always smiling.  Always.  I can't imagine that would be the most stimulating and glamorous of jobs, but yet there he is, always smiling.

Admittedly, life is not easy.  That's just the reality of it.  But something I've learned over the years being on my own is that we really don't have it as bad off as we think we do.  Sometimes we just get SO bent out of shape over what someone says, what someone does, traffic issues, and for what?  Hey, I struggle with this myself...still.  I truly believe we are called to be spreaders of joy and life, and you just can't do that when you're all bankjbhakljdhfbaw over some silly little thing (Sorry to burst your bubble, but sometimes we just need to get over ourselves, am I right?).  Now that doesn't mean that you have to be happy-go-lucky-ray-of-sunshine-puppies-and-rainbows-24/7-even-when-life-stinks-out-loud.  No.  It's ok to be frustrated.  But sometimes, you just have to put on your big old car wash sign and just SMILE.

Kelly: So much we could learn from this guy. Seriously. Here's a man, literally doing the job nobody else wants to do, but he's doing it without complaining. Perhaps he's complaining on the inside, but that's not what we see. How often do we complain about things in our life? About our jobs? About what's going on in the world? I know I complain, sadly, about my job a lot, mostly about things I have no control over whatsoever. But the thing is, I can change my attitude about the situation. We live in a world full of choices, and if your day sucks and there seems to be no way out, there's a choice of how we can exercise that. If I come home after a long day and the kitchen is a mess, there's shoes and stuff all over the floor and the cats are running around like some of my patients off their meds, I can choose how to react. I can be really pissed off and yell at the cats and leave some sort of passive aggressive note on the counter or text message to Holly for not cleaning up the kitchen, or....I can calmly tell the cats to please stop acting like idiots, clean up the kitchen and the stuff on the floor. Again, full of choices. Or if we have a crappy day, we can either be bitter and fume about it all day or just let it go.

I'm not saying it's not ok to ever be angry, frustrated, wigging out, whatever, because it is. It's going to happen. But we can always choose to not be angry, frustrated or wig out. We can take it how it comes, and like the car wash guy, just smile. Hey, I'm saying all of this just as much for myself as I am for anybody out there who may read this. Something I try to remember when I'm angry or frustrated about something is this; is this a bad day or just a bad moment? Is this situation/person/whatever really going to ruin my entire day? Yes, we will have days where we're sweating and running around like mad with no end in sight, and some days it will be cold and gray. Just remember though that there might be a guy in Lexington with his car wash sign, standing there with a big smile on his face. Yeah, he's there because he has to be, but nobody asks him to smile and be friendly I'm sure; I'm sure he just DOES that. If he can smile through any weather, so can we. So can I.

You don't have to try

Holly: Guys, I was just shown this video.  I'm floored.  Completely floored. 

This goes out to the ladies reading this: If you do not do ANYTHING else today, please take 4 minutes out of your day and watch this.  I'm serious.  Please just do yourself a favor and watch this video. 

It's time to stop being ashamed of ourselves.  It's time to love ourselves again.  And again.  And again.

Living life with no desire, not a flame but a fire.

Kelly: This morning, the two of us were presented with an opportunity to possibly fill a need in our church that several of us feel has not been met. For quite some time now, it's been under the assumption that this need has been "taken care of" and that others are doing something about it. In other words, there really isn't a clear direction. Anyway, more on that later, but that's what's been going on. What inspired this tidbit of possibly new direction was this morning at church. In today's day and age, we are all circling in our own orbits of day after day life, wondering how we're going to live for ourselves. Seriously, it's true. Even I myself am guilty of it. But how often do we think about those around us? I know that even in my line of work, when I walk out the door my mind is wondering of how I'm going to spend my next few days off.

It's no secret that we love helping people. I've dabbled into different volunteer opportunities for a while, but after a short amount of time found it wasn't my niche or the other volunteers were often gossiping about things not getting done or were sometimes judgmental towards those who came in. I witnessed this while at a food bank as a volunteer, and removed myself from there because it was a place I felt I did not or should not be mixed into. Hard to show the love of God when the majority are acting in ways that are the complete opposite of such. I have been praying for a while to find ways to use my time off in other ways other than myself; tired of being selfish let's just say. And then this opportunity came up. I don't know what kind of fruit this will produce; hopefully good but again, all in God's will and in His perfect plan. The title of today's post is derived from the words of a song by Matthew West titled "Do Something." Listen to it if you want a good encouraging message and a reminder of our duty as Christians. It's up to us; nobody else is going to take care of it. If not us then who? If not now then when?

Holly: I read a status on Facebook a while back from a young mother, claiming that she hated every single thing about being a parent, yet she loved her child (I really wish I was making this up).  Part of this rationale was that this person believed that we as humans were entitled to being selfish.  I could not disagree with this more.

I might get some flack for this statement, but I believe it to be true, completely regardless of whether or not you are a Christian: Life is not about you.  There.  I said it.  I think, as a Christian, or even as a decent human being, we ought to be seeking out ways to serve others, instead of attempting to fulfill our own desires.  Guys, I am far from a pristine example of this.  I still am learning, but it is only by the grace of God that I can keep trying.  Something that struck me especially from the sermon today (which we've heard before) is that we waste so much time on trivial, meaningless things.  We compartmentalize ourselves, turn ourselves into islands with our Netflix and our iPhones and we just completely miss the point.  Again, Guilty.  As.  Charged.  Things are just that....things.  Things don't last.  Period.  One of my favorite passages of Scripture comes from 2 Corinthians 4: "So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen, since what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal."

As Kelly mentioned, we have an opportunity at our feet that, right now, we aren't sure of much.  It's still in the planning stages, but we are praying for God's will and direction, confirmation that this is what He wants to do.  He knows our hearts and our desires.  At least for me, one of the goals is that we will reach out to those in need, that we will open our homes and our hearts, and that we will bring them to Jesus.  That's the main goal: Jesus.  Because I still think life isn't about us.

If not us, then who?
If not me and you right now, it's time for us to do something!
If not now, then when?
Will we see an end to all this pain?
It's not enough to do nothing.  It's time for us to do something!
We are the salt of the earth, we are a city on a hill
We're never going to change the world by standing still